(The Cars "Candy-O", the second greatest album cover of all time.)

You don’t need to hang around a record store or high-end stereo shop for very long before you’ll hear some variation of the audiophile mantra, Music sounds better on vinyl.  “Music sounds better on vinyl” is to audiophiles what “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day” was to your mother: unquantifiable.  There is no way to conclusively measure how music sounds better on vinyl any more than you can measure how a bowl of Frosted Flakes at 7am is better than a bowl of tomato soup at noon.  Both claims are purely subjective and with infinite variables.  I will agree with a statement like “The music listening experience is better with vinyl”, but as far as claiming music sounds best on vinyl, I can’t buy into it.

Listen up, Vinyl guys, we’re all getting a little bored with your vinyl sounds better than digital diatribes.  It’s time to arm yourself with some actual Quantifiable Reasons Why Vinyl is Better Than Digital (and none of them have anything to do with sound quality.)

– You can hold an LP in your hand.  Now smell it.  That LP has been to some good, good parties and has been handled by some interesting people.

– When the girl you love dumps you, you don’t get one more chance to see her under the guise of “Dropping by to pick up your MP3s.”

– You don’t meet interesting people at an MP3 swap meet.

– An LP keeps you close to the stereo where the music sounds best.  Listening to a record is the activity.  The complete lack of portability when it comes to a turntable, speakers and an amplifier negates that nagging feeling that you should be cutting the lawn or re-stippling your bathroom ceiling.

– You don’t get the exhilaration of going out late at night with your friends to steal milk crates from behind the 7-11 so you have some place to neatly stack your MP3s.

– You can’t melt an MP3 into a chip bowl for your next party.

– The 13-year old version of you didn’t get his mind blown by staring at album artwork on a 2-1/2 inch screen.  No, it was 12-square inches of Herb Alpert’s Whipped Cream and Other Delights or the Cars Candy-O (see above) that did that.

There, just a few reasons why the vinyl listening EXPERIENCE is better than digital.  Now, put on a record and add your own reasons to the comments below.

Garn